Always do your best. This is a normal human response when someone invades our safe boundaries, which is exactly what this question did for me. Are we talking about assumptions again here? Don’t make assumptions. I felt the sting of her words, as I witnessed her writing about her insecurities, and finally about how to handle “triggers”. I may unskillfully water something inside of someone that causes them to suffer. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is a self-help book by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills.

It's written in simple language but deals with complex themes that can help you bring sweeping changes to your life. This is normal. According to the bio on his website, “A near-fatal car crash forever changed the direction of his life, howe Other times, yes, they’re really more about us. I do think there is a place for honest feedback and the receiving of it that brings us to a level of growth we’d never get if we dismissed it to “just their projection”.On Thanksgiving Day this year,  my husband said something to me out of pure exhaustion that I took personally and pouted about for a few hours. Her question was less an inquiry than a Now is the point I wonder what Ruiz would say. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is a wonderful book for stress management and personal growth. To help oneself to another’s life as an opportunity to insert their opinion so freely is truly appalling. However, when it comes to deep-rooted bias and bigotry and institutionalized oppression, you can’t just tell a person of color, a person living in poverty, or a person that identifies as LBGTQ, etc “Don’t take racism, classism, homophobia, etc so personally.” They are going to completely disengage from the conversation, for good reason, and the work of unraveling inequities and inequality together grinds to a screeching halt. The problem is that the rediscovery of the first “agreement” of The Four Agreements is being used to serve a purpose other than speaking with the highest intention at all times. Become a better person. Stuff we get to cultivate or heal. The “Four Agreements” is one of my favorite books. I really needed this lesson myself.

Lord knows I need all the growth I can get!What a great essay you wrote. It’s scary to me when I encounter people who do not listen to criticism and do no take their own foibles into consideration. They certainly take things personally but if I react to something offensive that they’ve said to me then I get a “don’t take it personally”. Most of all, I cannot wait to read your book!

Maybe next time I feel that jolt of judgement I will take a step back and try to figure out why it jolts me, or not, but I will try. I think what bothered me so much about this agreement was that it undermined humanity’s ability to grasp anything objective at all. My sister’s murderer was just granted an appeal on ineffective counsel, and I will be writing about how we are responding to that as a family.

Lashing out at another when one is hurting or giving insincere praise in order to win favor are examples that come to mind.

It was bad enough the first time around…i feel your pain! I think real wisdom lies in having to honesty and insight to know the difference. Thank you for sharing your ideas. The book offers a code of conduct based on ancient Toltec wisdom that advocates freedom from self-limiting beliefs that may cause suffering and limitation in a person's life. I observed essay after essay confronting her insecurities and difficulty with others’ opinions of her. It’s one of those days for me, trying to say the right thing but thinking it’s coming out all wrong. Did you have to take a long hot shower after watching that hideous allocution? He could have so easily dismissed my little pity party as my problem, my Sometimes I reflect on this world of “everyone is a life coach” and “positive affirmations” and think it’s breeding a new culture of spiritual arrogance, where no one thinks they are allowed to step on any one else’s toes, or make a mistake, and grow from it.Yes, I do think we are all made in perfection in a divine esoteric way,  yet we are also made to develop, andI’d say, before jumping to the safe zone of “this is all about them and nothing about me” the next time I’m given uncomfortable feedback, it might be more helpful to take a pause and ask if there is anything in that that feels honest, familiar, and something I can grow from.

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